The fun isn’t always in the getting. Sometimes it’s in the dreaming too. With that in mind I’ve pulled together some of the things I’d love most this holiday season. I thought I’d share them with you, to spark some creative gift ideas for the cool, approaching-middle-aged-but hanging-on-for-dear-life, masculine person in your life.

There aren’t just a list of signs and symptoms that make someone trans.  It’s not one or two defining moments or signs of outward struggle for trans folks.  For some it’s the tell tale, “I don’t want to wear that” or “I don’t want to play with the boys” or anxiety over gendered sports, clothes, celebrations.  

For me there were a hundred moments. A thousand moments. So many moments, some big, but mostly tiny cries for help.

I introduce to you my favourite little #enby, Mx.Wilde. Wilde uses they/them pronouns and we are all very comfy correcting others and ourselves when we misspeak, so don’t worry if you mess up at first, we’ll help you find your way.

My heart pounded as we walked up to the school. I took a deep breath, calmed my papa bear nerves, and walked confidently into the blood-covered front office. There was my tiny baby boy, the youngest of 5, shaking like a leaf, staring off into space, battered and bruised.

Campfire’s under the stars with hot dogs and pie irons.

Reading a book on the beach, while the kids splash in the ocean-- Katherine in a bikini of course.

Early morning coffee on the deck, as the sun peeks through the trees.

Freezies, and lemonade, and pancakes and watermelon and so much ice cream perched on top of sugar cones…

These are the things that flash across the screen of my mind when I think of a dreamy summer.

It turns out that before you can have a dreamy summer you have to decide what exactly a dreamy summer looks like for your family.

This year it is more important than ever to approach Canada Day with the respect and reverence that it deserves.

Canada Day is not a day of celebration. It should be a day of education.

A day of mourning the thousands upon thousands of families shattered over hundreds of years. A day where we talk about the unthinkable things that people did to steal this country, and the effects those things have had, and continue to have on Indigenous people generation after generation.

I ran away for 3 nights to untangle the gnarly knots in my heart and soul…

I almost went into an explanation of why I needed the time away. But there doesn’t have to be a special reason. I don’t need to earn time to myself. Time to think. Time to rest. Time to dream. Psst. Either do you. Find out how to make a solo retreat a reality.

Does your family do allowances? Are you on the “NO WAY! Chores are just being a part of the family” train? Or do you land somewhere in between? 

Like pretty much everything else that works well in our family life, Katherine and I have created a system! Find out all about how our system works!

To our kids, our very queer family is typical.

I love it! And yet, I also want them to know that we are Queer! That we’ve got a little extra rainbow magic in us. Sometimes that is amazing. And sometimes that can put us in dangerous positions.

I want them to know how to talk about their family when they encounter people who don’t love and live with freedom like we do.

And so started our kids’ queer education by way of books!

These are my babies. Epic, our middle kid is racing towards 12, his little teen moustache starting to form.

But this is deeper than that.

I am overwhelmed with love and pride as I watch him grow into a man. With his muscles, and his deep voice and his testosterone changing him right in front of my eyes.

If my son were black, I can imagine, I might have conflicted feelings of pride, and fear.

CONFESSION: I HATE CAKE

Well I like the cake just fine actually. I really don’t like icing. Such an unpopular opinion, I know. Katherine basically believes I am broken. In her opinion cake is the necessary serving vessel required to deliver as much icing into ones gullet as possible. In short she loves icing. The sweater the better. But it wasn’t her birthday today! Oh no! Today it’s all about me! So instead of cake for my birthday, we do No Bake Cherry Cheese Cake, with Eagle Brand Sweetened Condensed Milk.

DO YOU MAKE A “DID IT” LIST?

I don’t know about you, but I always enter the end of the year with a fair amount of angst, especially as a parent it’s easy to end the year feeling at least a little bit like a failure, and 2020 was no different. Until I stop and list all the actual shit I did this year in my annual “DID IT LIST!”

SHE WAS 8, IN THE 3RD GRADE WHEN SHE LEARNED I AM SANTA

She was the cutest Rapping Elf there ever was in her school concert. I remember it like it was yesterday. She was overflowing with Joy. Like you’ve never seen this kinda of joy. Her love for Christmas and the North Pole and all things MAGIC was intoxicating.

YOUR BEST OR YOUR WORST?

Do you think about what you’re passing on to your kids? We spend a lot of time talking about all the things we pass down to our children. We don’t talk much about the parts of ourselves that we work so hard to keep to ourselves, terrified to pass it on to our sweet babies. For me there is more from my childhood I keep tucked away from them than traditions and memories I share.

5 MONTHS IN.

This is our update 5 months in on our little hobby farm, I let you know all the things. Like, how we’re settling in? Do the kids like school? How many chickens do you have, what type are they, are there roosters, what do they eat and why are they so cute? Secret Project what now? It's a lot to catch up on. I’ve covered most of it in just less than 5 minutes.

THIS IS HOW I FOUND OUR YOUNGEST TODAY.

Sometimes you just need to sit in a basket in your underwear with a feather from your favourite chicken. This is how I found our youngest today. Sitting cross legged, in the basket that usually holds blankets, staring off into space. When I broke his gaze, I asked him what was wrong, he perked up and said, “Nothing! I’m just imagining,” and then went back to his own world.

This move and all these new things that I happen to have now clue how to do have brought up all my shit.

My perpetual face plants, stumbles + skinned knees have forced me to re-examine my relationship with masculinity, perfectionism, + self worth. It has made me check my ego + learn to ask for help. It’s made me take my own medicine when parenting my kids. And it’s made me wonder why we lose the ability to fail on purpose, pushing ourselves to our edges as we grow?

I have vivid memories of scrawny 6 year old Nick, trying so hard to keep stuff clean.

I remember telling myself, “okay! You can do it this time! You’re gonna keep this new toothpaste so clean so you can ALWAYS see how awesome the ninja turtles picture is.”

A LITTLE LUNCH TUTORIAL!

During these wild times we all need a little bit of joy! And kids who can make their own damn lunch! ‘Cause parents are working on less sleep, with less hours, less alone time and less joy than ever before and we need a break!

Little Ms Wilde has been begging me for her own cooking show for about 12 years.

Yes that means she started in utero. Quarantine came along and locked us all down, so it seems as good a time as any to make her dreams come true!