HOW WE DO ALLOWANCE + MONEY WITH 5 KIDS
How did you learn about money?
When you were growing up was money something you spoke about with the grown ups in your life or was it a mystery?
Did you know if your family had enough? Or an abundance? I find the only people I know who were aware of what was going on in their families bank accounts were on one end of the economic spectrum or the other.
They had way too much money, or way too little, so much so that it becomes their identity. For as long as I can remember I was acutely aware that my mom, grandma and I did not have enough.
I knew because there wasn’t enough to go around. I knew because I would sneak into the wallet of whoever the man in my mom’s bed was to take $5 bill to buy lunch with.
I knew because I was shamed for wanting things. How could I ever be so ungrateful? How could I want so much. I understand now, as a parent myself, that it wasn’t my lack of gratitude for our situation that caused them to lash our, but rather their way of quieting their own feelings of inadequacy. If I wanted too much, it wasn’t that they weren’t providing enough.
Not having enough as a kid meant that I learned to work hard and make my own money pretty quick. It also meant that it was important for me that my kids never went without, but don’t end up too entitled.
NOW LET’S TALK ALLOWANCES
Does your family do allowances? Are you on the “NO WAY! Chores are just being a part of the family” train? Or do you land somewhere in between?
Like pretty much everything else that works well in our family life, we have created a system! It’s kind of @declaredominions superpower.
Let’s hit the highpoints shall we?
OUR BIG FAMILY ALLOWANCE, + EARNINGS SYSTEM
11 yr old Epic, posing for the camera in his new hat.
Our system is made up of 4 main components.
BASIC INCOME
Each kid gets a basic income, based on their ages/needs, 'cause I’m a socialist at heart.
Our current weekly allowance rates look like this: Bigs $2/wk, Littles $1/wk.
As our kids are getting older, it looks like we may also begin to provide them with a quarterly clothing allowance as well. But we’ll need to stop can create a system for that as well.
UNPAID CONTRIBUTIONS
Each kid has unpaid family responsibilities that they do as part of the team. Because we all contribute to make our house work.
Adventure - Compost
Danger - Recycling
Epic - Garbage
All kids are responsible for making their bed, cleaning up their own messes, keeping their room clean, + doing dinner clean up at an age appropriate level.
EXTRAS $$ UP FOR GRABS
There are always chores up for grabs w/ different $ values:
$1- clean bathroom,
50c - empty dishwasher
50c - mudroom
$1 - vacuum
MONTHLY CONTRACTS
Want to make some big coin by committing to a monthly contract? We’ve got you. These jobs are bigger paydays but require a month long commitment.
$5/ wk school lunches
$5/ wk dog poop
$5/ wk firewood
etc
What’s the payoff for parents in this system?
Look she loves me!
So far I’m just telling you all the ways I give my kids money. I haven’t told you about how it makes life better yet!
NO MORE BEGGING FOR STUFF
BECAUSE WE STOPPED BUYING THE KIDS THINGS!
So we also stopped fighting about buying them things. Except clothing— One of our big kids only wants designer clothes, the other would wear everything second hand. Some reimagining needs to happen here.
They get a birthday gift, basic clothes + 4 Christmas gifts (want, need, where, read) from us a year and that’s it.
Want a new toy? Popcorn at the movies? A milkshake when we’re out for dinner?(precovid) Or a fancy pair of shoes that you don’t really need?
These are all things that the kids cover, not things that we buy. So instead and trying to convince me that they need them, that I should let them get them, I say, “Do you have enough money? Go for it buddy!”
Sometimes they don’t have money for popcorn. Instead, they spent it all on supreme stickers + slurpees. Or their cellphone rent for next month, is almost due so they have to save their last $10 to pay their bill or lose their screen.
Sounds awesome right?
It totally is? But it requires the ability to sit in uncomfortable emotions.
The hardest part of it all is letting them sit in the sadness+ disappointment without saving them.
Letting them have their big messy feelings about it all without taking it away, making it better, or making them wrong.
MY WORST NIGHTMARE! But the discomfort is how we learn. They only blow all their money on slurpees and supreme stickers once. Hypothetically, of course.
I’d rather them learn this stuff at 10-16, when the stakes are lower, instead of when they’re 22 and they have to build their credit score back up.
So far it’s working.
We know our spenders, + our savers. We know who doesn’t really want much, so doesn’t do much, + we know who has champagne tastes, so has to do 2x more than their siblings.
They're so different, none of them right, or wrong, but this way we get to help them manage the way they feel about money and possessions, instead of allowing them to feel controlled by them.
