HOW TO MISS YOUR KIDS — TAKE A SOLO RETREAT
I took a solo retreat aka I ran away for 3 nights to untangle the gnarly knots in my heart and soul…
I almost went into an explanation of why I needed the time away. But there doesn’t have to be a special reason. I don’t need to earn time to myself. Time to think. Time to rest. Time to dream. Psst. Either do you.
Wouldn’t we all be better if we gave ourselves just a little bit of time. Wouldn’t we all be able to show up as your biggest, bravest self if we had time to know who that self was? And they happened to be well rested?
I’d be lying if I said I was all filled up and overflowing, but I can feel the twinkle lights in my heart turn back on (as Katherine likes to say) and I was ready to be with my people again. I missed them and wanted to bring my biggest brightest self back to them!
I LOVE the feeling of missing my kids
I miss their snuggles, and sticky fingers, and dirty toes, the incessant fart jokes, their sweet smell, and goofy smiles.
Here’s the thing though…
YOU CAN’T MISS YOUR KIDS IF YOU DON’T STEP AWAY FROM THEM.
I’ll say it again so it can sink in for all the birth parents in the room, because this goes against everything society tells us we are meant to do. Society tells us that we are supposed to give our whole lives over, every second of everyday to our kids. But also stay hot. Stay crafty. Stay Organic. Stay blah blah blah. And if something’s gotta give to make that happen, it should be you.
I say no thank you. But that’s a whole other post.
You don’t have to go far away
A solo retreat doesn’t have to be far away. Sometimes Katherine goes to Portland, or on a 10 day writing retreat on a warm island somewhere (precovid). Sometimes she goes to the little hotel with the nice restaurant, sometimes she goes to the same sweet little log cabin 5 minutes from home that I’ve chosen religiously since Covid began and we’re kept close to home.
It doesn’t have to be expensive.
We work hard to fit this into our budget, making choices to cut in other places. But not everyone has enough flexibility for that. Get creative. Ask one of your friends to let you house sit next time they are out of town. Your younger brother and his partner love spending time with the kids? Great, you love spending time in his cool, kind of dirty, but doable apartment. See where I’m going with this?
It doesn’t have to be for a whole weekend.
Katherine and I switch off, on these blocks of time away, meaning we don’t require childcare, we are able to make them stretch a bit longer. In the beginning that wasn’t the way, getting to the point where I felt like I could step away for this amount of time took work for me. So I get that for some parents this stretch of time was truly in fathomable for lots of parents. (My privilege and determination are showing:)
However, one overnight where you pawn your kids off on sleepovers with their friends all on the same day can do wonders for a weary soul.
Is the Effort to Get Away Actually Worth The Pay Off
You’ll have to decide if it’s worth it yourself. But you won’t ever know if you don’t give yourself the opportunity. You won’t know how great your partner might be with your baby until you throw them into the deep end… while being close enough to swoop in if need be. You won’t know the glee of your kids running to the door when they hear your car pull up if you don’t leave long enough for them to miss you.
In my opinion though, it’s totally worth it. Look at these faces— mine included. We are all happier when we all get what we need. See they missed me too!
Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that shit.
So go look at your calendars, talk to your people, take a solo retreat and make space for YOU! Because that’s how you learn to miss your kids.
