THIS IS HOW I FOUND OUR YOUNGEST TODAY.

Sometimes you just need to sit in a basket in your underwear with a feather from your favourite chicken. This is how I found our youngest today. Sitting cross legged, in the basket that usually holds blankets, staring off into space. When I broke his gaze, I asked him what was wrong, he perked up and said, “Nothing! I’m just imagining,” and then went back to his own world.

I have vivid memories of scrawny 6 year old Nick, trying so hard to keep stuff clean.

I remember telling myself, “okay! You can do it this time! You’re gonna keep this new toothpaste so clean so you can ALWAYS see how awesome the ninja turtles picture is.”

This image was my goodbye.

At first I was indignant! Here I am! Let me celebrate you dammit!!!!

I looked again, swallowed the lump, and waved. She waved back, a smile filled her face, and an ease came over her body. I remember this feeling. In so many ways she is me, she is mine. Being here in this universe with her people is her happy place. She’s safely in her extroverted social butterfly orbit.

I remember these moments like they were yesterday. Sometimes I wish I could do them all over again; or at least remember them better.

The state of my “cloffice” (closet-office hybrid) is a direct match for the state on my inner world.

One look at my desk and you’ll know where in the scale of overwhelm/somethings going on, I am. Right now I’m at about an 7/10. My Cloffice is creeping up to an 8.

But before everyone freaks out and checks in on me, asking if I’m okay and how they can help, know that it’s not always bad to be high up there on the scale. Sometimes being at a 7, 8 or even 9 just means we are living a big, full sometimes stressful life. Because that’s how we grow. That’s how we change, that’s how we make our dreams come true.

EVER WONDER IF YOU’RE A TERRIBLE PERSON FOR BEING JEALOUS OF YOUR KIDS’ LIVES?

Yeah, me either.

Except. Yes. I TOTALLY WONDER IF I’M A TERRIBLE PERSON FOR BEING JEALOUS OF MY KIDS!

BECAUSE I AM JEALOUS OF MY KIDS

A friend of mine recently welcomed a new baby into their world.

They are in their 40’s and it’s their first. They are Ivy League educated, have thriving careers and are all around wonderfully, delightful, amazing humans! They come from a different world than me though. They went to all the right schools, learned all the right skills, have all the right pedigrees.

Katherine and I had a fight about parenting the other night.

In the bath. Super romantic I know. It was a good one.