WHY DO WE EVEN USE THE REGULAR PHONE ANYMORE?
Are you afraid of the phone like I am?
UGH!!! Free Trials— They are all a SHAM! They sit upon a throne of lies! Almost always that free trial turns into a subscription I didn’t notice, because details are not my love language, and I end up paying for something I don’t actually want for at least 6 months while I gather the courage to end our relationship jam packed with unrequited love!
I don’t fall for their trickery very often these days, but when I do I’m forced to choose between the terrible injustice of adult responsibility, like not paying for things you don’t want or need, and the psychological warfare that is picking up the phone and speaking to a stranger.
Sure, it’s something stressful for all you CIS folks out there, you know, all you people who’s gender matches the one they were assigned at birth. It’s a whole new level of hell when you’re a trans person, and your voice does not match the name or gender on your account. I basically have to host a coming out ceremony every time I update my banking preferences.
It’s not just the big stuff like banking, and passports, and doctors offices. It’s the teeny tiny stuff, like the Anti Balding Shampoo system I’ve been using, for instance.
Clearly it’s not cutting it for me. I have no recollection of signing up for a subscription, and yet, it auto renewed none the less. $86 a month to continue to bald? No thank you!
First thing’s first, I did what any good millennial would do. I tried their online help desk. A nice human named Evan let me know that if I acted quickly and called the office, they would most likely refund me my money, as long as it hadn’t shipped yet.
Yep, you heard it here folks. If I didn’t procrastinate, or make excuses, and acted right now, by doing the scariest thing ever, I could just get my $86 back.
Easy Peasy!
Except it wasn’t!! Instead I paced around my office for 20 minutes until I picked up my ACTUAL PHONE and dialed actual numbers, and spoke to an actual person.
I didn’t wait for it to ship, making it too late. I didn’t find something to do in service of someone else, freeing me of doing the thing for me! I didn’t even find someone who needed anti balding shampoo more than I, but can’t afford it. I just picked up the phone and
Oh the story does not end there though! Because as soon as I pressed all the buttons, choosing “1 for English” instead of, “2 pour francais”, it went right through to a human! Like an ALIVE ONE! Without any wait!?!
I was thrown for such a loop I did what anyone would, I promptly panicked and hung up.
The second time around it only took me like 5 minutes to work my way back up to calling. And I didn’t even hang up prematurely this time!
Instead I hung in there, past the discomfort of disappointing the woman on the other end of the phone, and I CANCELLED MY ANTI BALDING HAIR CARE SYSTEM!
IT WORKED!
Who even AM I?!? Someone fierce! That’s who!
Wow! That was invigorating! Maybe soon I’ll stop paying for the Gym membership back in Calgary that I haven’t used since last February!?!? Probably not but MAYBE?! It could happen.
So am I the only one terrified of seemingly simple adult tasks like phone calls, or swimming lesson registration, or even just getting the regular maintenance done on the car? Or are there more of us out there than I originally thought?
